Feelings of Initiation

I have done some more soul-searching, between bouts of furious writing, arguments with Odin, and mundane work, and I have come to a conclusion. Inspired by a feeling of...lack and confusion, and a conversation I had with another absolutely lovely witch I met last week, I have decided I need to initiate. I don't have a Wiccan tradition I'm drawn to, but I know that those that emphasis long, drawn-out ritual magick over everything else is not for me. Ritual magick has its place, as does kitchen witchery and gypsy magick, but that place, for me, is not a very big one. I do not wish to be confined to a tradition that that requires me to worship only a specific set of deities, or tells me not to interact with traditionally 'darker' gods like Loki or the rest of the Jotuns, with whom I work almost as closely as I work with Brigid or Artemis.

And yet I still feel the need for that formal initiation, that rite of passage, that is currently lacking in my life. Theoretically, I performed a half-hearted self-initiation when I first found the Craft. I wore long, flowing clothes to school on Mabon (I was a sophomore in high school then), and danced outside during lunch and talked to the gods and the faeries and called it done. Then I neglected my studies and, indeed, my spirituality for six years. This is a new point in my life, a new turn in my path, and I feel the need to acknowledge it.

So, with Mabon coming up once more, I plan on self-initiate into an eclectic pagan tradition. Call it Wiccan, if you like, or call it something else. The name doesn't matter to me. I already know it will incorporate pieces of Buddhism, Wicca, Asatru, Shamanism, and the Faerie Faith. I already know it is what I believe right now and what I have been working on for the last year.

It is simply time to sit down and formalize it, dedicate myself to leading a spiritual life, and give myself a rite of passage I have never had before. It will also be the first full-fledged ritual I design and perform on my own. I would like it to be more formal and more sober than my previous magickal workings (in which I basically did everything off the cuff and laughed a lot, which is good, but not the right tone for this, I believe), and I realize that performing it during/around a harvest festival is not traditional. But it feels right. And that's what the pagan path is all about, isn't it? Finding what's right for us?

Birthday Shennanigans

Today, I officially turned 21. Which means I can now have the mead during ritual, and buy wine or mead for my own personal rituals, if I choose to use it. This, of course, makes the men in The Pantheon rather ecstatic. Mabon can be quite the alcoholic (he says "I just love mead!"), Loki comes from a pantheon where everyone drinks basically all the time when they aren't smashing giant skulls, and Ai says he enjoys a good ale as much as anyone. I, on the other hand, am not exactly one for alcohol. Most of the time, I can't stand the taste of it (with the exception of hard cider, surprisingly), and I hate the idea of not being in control of myself. Especially as I try to incorporate more magickal and spiritual work into my mundane life. No point in getting my head all mixed up and then attempting to do something important.

Anyway, enough about that. I also went up to the mountains with my family today, visited some of our old haunts, which was fun. It's always nice to get up into the fresh air and away from the city for a little while. I was terribly tempted to buy a pendulum at a semi-metaphysical shop, but I successfully held myself back. I have one in the mail, after all.

Overall, I'd say this was a rather successful weekend! Thank whatever gods are in charge of wonderful weekends!

Dust Bunny Queen II

Remember that post a few days ago about cleaning and getting rid of everything that's not "beautiful, useful or joyful?" It all sounds well and good, doesn't it? Well, I've started attempting to go through some things (aka, the massive mountain of papers and things on my desk), and I've realized it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. Birthday and holiday cards will be my downfall, I'm certain of it. They're so cute (my family is fond of funny cards) and nostalgic that it's hard to just throw them into the recycling bin. It's so easy just to say "oh, they're joyful, so I ought to keep them," but I know that they're clutter, when it comes down to it. After all, when do you really look at/read a card after you initially open it? They just sit in the drawers and take up space. But as soon as I open that envelope again, I get all teary because I remember exactly when I got the card, and who sent it to me. Yes, I get emotional easily, don't tell Mabon.

I told myself that I would read them again and throw them in the recycling bin. And they sat there for a good ten minutes before I rescued them. I'm so hopeless. It's only going to get worse when I hit the drawers where I've been keeping my manuscript and various writing for ages. Oh, Goddess help me.

Dust Bunny Queen

You know those times when you come across a single idea over and over again in the things you're doing/reading, and it takes you weeks to realize what the universe is trying to tell you? I've just had one of those great "aha, so that's it!" moments: the universe is telling me to clean. Every pagan/witchcraft book I've picked up lately has included at least a few pages about the connection between spiritual space and physical space, if not an entire chapter devoted to methods of spiritual cleansing whilst cleaning the house/apartment/other living space. I've stumbled on articles about it, had conversations on the topic, and it took me until today to realize that it's time I did a major 'spring cleaning' of both my bedroom (where I keep basically all of my personal possessions, mundane and magickal), and my own energy. If a physical space is a reflection of our inner worlds, my mind is cluttered, unorganized, covered in dusty books, and packed in boxes just home from college. Not exactly a fabulous state to be in, regardless of the fact that I've been living that way for as long as I can remember, minus the boxes.

It's time for a change. No longer will I let myself hold onto things I'm not using or find no joy in. No longer will I let things sit around in my desk drawers just because I don't know what else to do with them. No longer will I cover every available flat surface with literature (well, that one'll be a work in progress, certainly). Instead, I will give all my old drawings/writings/what have you from elementary and middle school that are sitting in my drawers to my mother, and force myself to part with things that I haven't looked at in years but will undoubtedly attempt to use their powers of nostalgia, real or imagined, to save their lives in my desk. I will attempt to organize my space and keep it organized, at least a little. Too much cleanliness stifles me, so I won't go all the way and disinfect things and keep things perfect, just a little tidier. And, as I clean out my physical space, I plan on not only dedicating the work to the gods, but also bless the space (it's been years since I did that last), and clear out all the negativity that I'm sure has been lurking in corners for ages now.

If you don't hear from me for a while, assume the dust bunnies kidnapped me to make me their queen and send Mabon and Loki after me. I don't want to be a dust bunny queen!

Introducing the Pantheon

Since I'll likely be talking about them a lot, I suppose it's only fair that I devote an entire post to introducing what I'll be calling "The Pantheon," the deities and other magickal creatures that tend to hang around me and my house. In no particular order:

Loki: If there's one thing you ought to know about Loki (besides the fact that he's the Norse trickster god and not as evil as he seems in the myths), it's that he strongly dislikes cats. Coming from a culture that reveres wolves and other canines, it's rather logical, but it does make it rather interesting, since I currently have three felines. The good news is that the cats don't seem to mind him at all, so the hatred is only one-sided.

Brid: An Irish triple-goddess of the forge, hearth, and inspirational fires, she's the big sister figure to The Pantheon. She's always around with a smile and a nudge to my creative work, and has a habit of standing around looking vaguely and mysteriously pleased with herself.

Mabon: As a god of youth and the sun, Mabon enjoys carousing and drinking. Surprisingly, he's likely the most raucous of the bunch, and undoubtedly the most annoying. He's very adept at pestering me until I do something, and has mastered the art of bribery. He also makes a fabulous scapegoat. Warning: when Mabon and Loki lean their heads together and mumble, trouble's afoot.

Artemis: The mother figure of The Pantheon, Artemis is the one trying to keep the rest of us crazy folks in line. Generally, she sits in the corner and shakes her head ruefully as we make various plans. She tends to disappear around the new moon (not such a big surprise, as she's a moon goddess), and is very fond of reminding me of all the positive things in the world, which I need quite a lot.

And, last but not least,

Ai: The generally forgotten-about Irish god of poetry and bard to the Tuatha dé Danaan (seriously, I've found exactly one myth about him, and no information on correspondences or anything), Ai is also the newest addition to The Pantheon. He's a big, cheerful fellow, who enjoys listening when I sing along at the top of my lungs to whatever's on the radio, and is always carrying an instrument of some kind. I have a feeling he and Mabon will get along rather well, when Mabon stops being disgruntled that I like Ai more than him.

Now, The Pantheon is not fixed, and is rather likely to expand as I continue my studies, but these are the key players at the moment. Not including a collection of minor elementals, faeries, a dragon or two, and various other magickal creatures. Overall, my life is rather more exciting than the rest of my household would dare to believe. That's what happens when you dance with the gods, I suppose.